


Letters to my Beloved

by MoonshineEvelyn



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Joffrey Baratheon/Sansa Stark, Sandor Clegane Needs a Hug, Sandor Clegane Swears, brief mention of self harm, love through letters, service dog Stranger, therapy dog Lady
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:01:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25201366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonshineEvelyn/pseuds/MoonshineEvelyn
Summary: As part of her assignment, Sansa has to interact with someone in the Army through letters for ten weeks. The recipient just so happens to be Sandor.Featuring Sansa, a woman with her own secrets, determined to make something of herself and Sandor, a brute (or so he pretends to be) who finds himself reluctantly falling for the little bird who writes him sweet letters and wins his heart.Just another letter-exchange Modern AU!
Relationships: Sandor Clegane/Sansa Stark
Comments: 46
Kudos: 169





	1. The Assignment

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone. 
> 
> Fair warning: the fic will have mentions of past abuse, self harms and brief mention of suicide. Hopefully, it will not be anything too graphic to distress anyone reading this. Rating may change as the fic progresses. 
> 
> That said, I hope you like this fic. 
> 
> Context: Sansa is 26, Sandor is 32.

“Alright class, settle down please!” 

Despite the professor’s warning, it took ten minutes before the students decided they wanted to study the course they paid an arm and a leg for. Beakers were placed on the desk, hands were scrambling through bags to find a pencil, a pen, a crayon, anything to write with, laptops were being opened and in some cases, nothing of element was being done. 

Sansa however, was already settled in her own corner. 

Her notebook was out on the table, her pen open and ready, her feet shaking lightly in anticipation. 

This was one of the many mandatory courses she had to study. When she had applied for a bachelors in Clinical Psychology, she had assumed she would be studying just that – psychology. And yet, she was forced to study courses like Communicative English. She supposes there is logic to studying the course, after all, a good psychologist must know how to communicate with their patients. 

Nevertheless, she thought she had left languages in high school and frankly speaking, a part of her was terrified that if this was anything like school and she was forced to read long novels and poetry that made naught a sense but were supposed to be ‘deep’ and ‘thoughtful’, she would definitely fail the course. 

“Right.” The professor said, grabbing everyone’s attention. “My name is Elizabeth Davis and this is ENG8092. If you have entered the wrong class, you can leave. Rest assured, you won’t be the first in the history of the university to have entered the wrong class. If you have this class as your requirement, as I assume you do, then welcome everyone. Over the course of the twelve weeks of this class, I will endeavour to help you improve your communication skills, written, oral and whatever other form it may take. Before we begin, let us discuss the most daunting part of any course: your essays!”  


A serious of groans erupted the class with one person saying quite loudly “Oh for fuck’s sake.”

Professor Davis raised a brow. “How eloquently put” she said as Sansa gave a little smile and opened her file and pulled out the course plan she had printed the night before. Highlighter and pen in hand, she waited for the professor’s instructions. 

“Okay” the professor said, “So the first assignment is very simple. A video file will be uploaded the week before the due date and you will have to summarize your observation of the techniques used by the five debaters to win their argument. The weightage and marking criteria are all on your course guides. The second assignment is a little tricky. You will be expected to present arguments of either sides of the debate for a topic I will assign you and then another student, chosen randomly, will provide their insights into your strengths and flaws. You will be marked for both. There will be an additional assignment announced a week before the 9th week.” She waited a moment to let the students absorb the information before continuing. “Now, your final assignment. Be vary because this accounts for 40% of your grades and is an absolute deal breaker. I will assign each of you one person from the Westerosi military and you will spend ten weeks communicating with them through written letters. Beware, these will be hardened, tough people. People who rarely have anyone communicating with them. People stationed in perilous circumstances who care nary for your first-world issues. These people wake up to war and go sleep to war. Your job is to befriend them, establish a connection with them. I want you to preserve each letter you send and each letter you receive and then I want you to spend the last two weeks of the course analysing the change in their pattern of communication and discern the change in their behaviour towards you. This is not an assignment you can do overnight. You need to dedicate a consistent amount of effort to be able to produce a fruitful assignment on the 12th week. I expect nothing less than the best you can give me.”

People began murmuring to each other and heads were already shaking in despair. 

As for Sansa, she didn’t really know what to think about it. Her own brother Robb had served in the military for five years before taking the position of CEO for Winterfell Industries. Her cousin Jon was still serving at the wall. She knew how war changed people. She had seen Robb transform from a jovial person who loved pulling her pigtails to a man who forever seemed as though he carried the weight on his shoulder. As for Jon, she always thought he seemed reclusive as a child but the military had only seemed to make him more distant. Each time he came home during a leave, she felt as though she was meeting someone she knew lesser and lesser, despite having grown up under the same roof. 

Her brothers did not often speak of their duties but when they spoke, it was always about the people they served with. Words like brave, courageous, tenacious, fearless and brute were used to describe their companions and sometimes when they spoke of the war, her mother would ask the younger children to leave as though the tales of battle were too horrifying for them. 

How would she be able to approach a stranger whose world was so different from hers? 

Taking a deep breath in, Sansa held it for a few seconds before releasing her breath. She repeated the exercise a few more times before her ribcage felt like it wasn’t going to squish everything within. 

She could do this. She had to do this. 

She took this course for a reason. She had come back to school after 6 years of break for a reason. 

Instinctively, the pads of her finger brushed the raised marks on the back of her neck. 

That’s right. She was here for a reason. She wanted to study this for a reason. And if in order to do that, she had to write letters to a stranger for ten weeks, she would do so. 

She did not come this far to give up so easy. 

With that, she put all thoughts of trepidation related to the assignment away. She had three other courses to worry about and those were all related to psychology. She went to each introductory class, diligently took notes and smiled in a friendly manner to the one girl who sat near her in Personality Psychology. 

All in all, the day was good. She stayed by herself and did not have a panic attack and for her, that was all she could ask for. 

When she went home, the first thing she did was drop to her knees and bury her face in Lady’s soft fur. Her parents had gotten her the dog after…everything that happened the last year. Lady was meant to be a guide dog but never graduated the course. The man who ran the centre said she was excellent at recognizing mental distress and the dog had taken one look at Sansa and her frail stature and dark circles and had seemingly made it her responsibility to protect the girl. She had been godsend in the past few months and was one of the main reasons Sansa never got around to doing anything reckless to herself. 

“Miss me, girl?” she asked, rubbing the dog’s ear. 

Lady gave a low whine, butting her head against Sansa’s face. 

“Yeah, me too.” Sansa agreed with a smile. 

Having thoroughly reunited with her companion, Sansa stood and made her way to the kitchen to grab a snack and went to her room with Lady in tow. After taking a shower, she decided to check on any mails the university might have sent. 

There was one email from Professor Davis informing the students that she had assigned them their person of contact. Taking a sip of her tea, Sansa opened her student portal and looked for the person she was supposed to befriend over the next ten weeks. She held her breath as she read the name.

Lieutenant Colonel Sandor V. Clegane.


	2. The First Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How will Sandor react when he receives Sansa's letter?

Sandor stopped short in front of his bed.

He had recollection of making his bed this morning, just as he had for the past ten years. He always made his bed the same way. Sheet straight, sides tucked under the mattress, not a crease in sight. Pillow flat, centre at the top. Covers folded in eight, centre at the bottom. All bags and belongings under the bed.

He did not remember putting a letter on the bed.

He placed his hands on his hips and looked around the room with his singed brow raised in suspicion.

Everyone was tearing through envelops and packages, eager to find a token from their loved ones. They had been away for almost a fortnight and by the end of it, everyone was restless and eager to go back to base. Each soldier had their own routine for what they would do after coming back to base from an excursion. Some would sleep, others would drink, some would find a quiet corner and sit there and look far off into the space. Some lucky bastards always had some letter or another from their partner back home. Luckier ones would receive care packages that the entire platoon would tear apart in half a minute. Some went to the makeshift gym at their base and punched the shit out of some bags.

Sandor had his own ritual. He would take a cold shower and go down to their kennel and meet Stranger. Years ago, it had been Stallion, a female German Shepard. Five years ago, she was replaced by a black Belgian Malinois. He was named Douglas by the people who trained him but one look at his dark eyes and black fur and Sandor had named him Stranger. Sandor would always meet him after coming back to base and would personally look after and groom the dog. The mutt deserved some care for all the work he did.

But today, he had stopped in his tracks.

The last time he had found a letter on his bed after a return, it was to inform him that his arsehole of a brother had died. One less shite on the death row and it made fuckall difference in his life. 

He reached for the knife tucked under his mattress and tore the envelope open. Tilting the envelope, he shook it slightly for the contents to fall into his waiting hands.

He stared at the two sheets of paper with a frown on his face. Turning to the obverse side of the second sheet, he glanced at the bottom to find the sender’s name, written in neat cursive.

_Sansa Evelyn Stark._

Who the fuck?

Shaking the papers, he sat on his bed and began reading through the thing.

_Lieutenant Colonel Sandor V. Clegane,_

_I hope this letter finds you in good health and spirit._

_My name is Sansa and I am a student at Northern University. Your name was assigned to me for my assignment for a course that I am taking as part of my Bachelors in Clinical Psychology._

_I assume from your title that you have been a part of the Westerosi Military for a considerable time now. My brother has served in the military for five years and my cousin Jon is still in service. From what I know of their work, I can only assume how brave and courageous you are. Before I begin, I must thank you for the service you have rendered to your nation. There is no greater honour than that of being the protector of the innocent. I thank you for all that you have done and continue to do for your nation._

Sandor scoffed. What a load of shite. ‘Protector of the innocent’. If only she knew how blood soaked his hands were.

_I would like to introduce myself to you._

_As I have mentioned before, my name is Sansa. I am twenty-six. I live with my family in Winterfell. My family consists of my parents, an older brother, a younger sister and two younger brothers. As you would imagine, our house is always lively and loud. An integral part of our family is also my companion, Lady. She is a beautiful Husky who loves sleeping on my bed and is thoroughly coddled by my father who sneaks her bits of food under the table. I like the changing colour of skies during sunset and love going on walks around my backyard to spot seasonal birds. I like sewing clothes, though I am not too good at it. I have recently decided to start baking and made a rather delicious blueberry pie yesterday. It was a huge hit with my youngest brother Rickon. I think mother may be cross with me for replacing his favourite, her famous Key Lime Pie._

_Though it may seem out of the blue, I would very much like to exchange letters with you. I admit this is not something I would have done had it not been for my course requirement. However, I have always been fascinated by the idea of pen pals and distant friends who form a bond through letters. I do not mean to be presumptuous and forward, but I would very much appreciate becoming your friend._

_Though I live in a house with many people, I sometimes feel so alone. For reasons I do not want to recount, I have come to a realisation that several people in my life were not what I thought they would be. I must admit, I had the ill tendency of judging people by their appearance and not by the content of their character and this mistake of mine led to become acquainted with some unfortunate people. I must be honest, the idea of befriending someone without having seen them before has its own appeal._

_But enough about my rambling._

_I hope you will tell me about yourself. I would love to know about the town you grew up in. What was your favourite colour growing up? Do you see a lot of stars where you live? Do you like sunsets or sunrise? What is your favourite season? Have you ever had a pet?_

_I hope to hear from you soon._

_Wherever you are, I hope you are safe. I shall pray for your safety, Lieutenant Colonel Clegane sir._

_Best wishes,_

_Sansa Evelyn Stark._

For a moment, Sandor sat still.

What the fuck was he supposed to do now? Write fucking ballads to her? Become her knight in shining armor?

‘Lieutenant Colonel Clegane sir’? What kind of fuckery was this?

Scrunching the papers in his hand, he rose and strode to Ray’s room.

The man was on his desk writing a letter when Sandor burst through his door. If Ray had a penny for every time Sandor strode into his tent with that stupid murderous look of his, he would be rich enough to buy a house in King’s Landing.

Turing back to his letter with a huff he asked. “Who pissed you off now?”

A hand appeared in his vision and Sandor dropped two sheets of paper on his table as though they contained the answers to his predicament. Ray took a deep breath, capped his pen and folded the letter he was writing to Maria and began reading the letter Sandor had dropped on his table.

While he read the letter, Sandor sat at the foot of his bed huffing big breaths like a dragon in rage.

By the end of the letter, he was left with a small smile on his face. What a kind, wonderful girl.

“And this makes you look like you stepped on someone’s shit why?” he asked.

“What sort of fuckery is this? This girl, with her ‘sir’ and her ‘thank you’ and her talks about ‘honour’ thinks she can get me to become what? Her buddy?” Sandor asked, imitating a high-pitched voice when emulating the girl. “So what? We exchange a few letters and then we sit there braiding each other’s hair and talking about life? Where did she even get my name from? I never signed up to be someone’s pen pal!”

Ray let the man fume. When it seemed like he was done for the moment, he spoke. “Have you ever considered that you could be over-reacting, Sandor?” he said gently only for the man to scoff and look away. “When a serving member of the military does not receive letters or packages from family for a long time, we sign such people up for programmes involving personal communication exchange with civilians. The initiative was recommended by some of the leading researchers of military psychology. The only letter you have received in the past two years have been to inform you of your brother’s demise. Is it truly the end of the world if a young woman wants to exchange few letters with you?”

“I don’t need someone to talk to.” Sandor reasoned. “I am here to fight the Queen’s wars and win her battles. That is all I am here to do and I am good at it. I don’t need some chirping bird to talk to.”

Ray shook his head. “Have you ever considered this girl might need someone to talk to?” he asked softly. Immediately, he saw Sandor’s shoulders slump. He took that as an invitation to extend his view. “Read between the lines Sandor. The girl is admitting that despite her big family, she feels lonely. Maybe she needs someone to talk to? And look how sweetly she asks you about yourself.” He waited for a few minutes for his words to penetrate through Sandor’s thick skull. “What is the worse that could happen, hmm? You would make a friend. Would that be so bad?”

“I don’t need a friend.” Sandor mumbled petulantly.

“Well, its not all about you, is it?” he asked. “Besides, she needs this for her grades. Don’t be an idiot and let her fail. Grab a pen and several papers and get to writing.”

He extended his hand and Sandor grabbed the paper from them and began walking out of the tent. When he was near the door, Ray called after him.

“Sandor?”

The man turned.

“Do not be an arse to her. Please.”

The man grinned maliciously before leaving.

Ray prayed to the Gods to protect the girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't help but include some sort of father-figure for Sandor in every fic. He deserves some love and guidance. 
> 
> Chapter three is already done and will be up tomorrow.


	3. The First Reply

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clear up any confusions that may arise, Ned is now a stay-at-home dad and Robb has taken over the business.

“Hello darling. There is a letter for you.”

Her father said from the kitchen and pointed his chin to the stack of envelopes lying on the counter.

“Thanks, dad.” She said moving towards the letter.

“Didn’t mean to snoop but I saw it was from the military. Everything alright?”

Her dad probably meant to sound nonchalant but he was never really the best at masking his concern. She understood his concern, she truly did. If she had a child who went through the things she did, she would probably hover around them 24/7 and lose her mind if they tried to leave the house. Though her parents had done that initially, they had become considerably casual around her in the past few months.

“Yeah, Dad. Just part of an assignment for an English course I am taking. Had to become penpals with a soldier.” She said walking up to him and pecking him on the cheek before reaching for an apple. She noticed that he was packing Rickon’s lunch. He had recently begun watching parenting vlogs, despite having already raised four healthy kids and fostering another. His newest obsession was to decorate Rickon’s lunch like those mums on the internet. Her mother thought it was a waste of food but Sansa thought it was adorable. Grabbing a knife, she began cutting neat slices of the apple.

“Ah” he said. “How is college? Are you liking it? Did you make any friends?”

“College is- its fine, Dad. I guess I just lost track of studies, you know? It’s been a while since I have had to write assignments and they’ve introduced all these rules for referencing so it’s just confusing. But um, my academic advisor seems nice and Brienne gave me few websites that would probably help so I’m okay, I guess.”

The mention of her therapist brought a smile to her dad’s face.

“And how is Brienne?”

“She’s good, dad. I’m good.” She admitted softly.

Her arranged a few grapes into the corner of the box and dried his hands on a towel. He turned to Sansa. “You know I am proud of you, right, Darling?” he said, kissing her hair.

“Yeah dad.” She admitted softly before changing the topic. “So what note are you putting in the box today?”

Once she was in her room, Sansa climbed on the bed and sat cross legged and pulled the comforter up to her waist. Using a scissor she had grabbed before, she opened the envelope carefully.

A single sheet of paper appeared with stocky writing on it.

**Miss Stark.**

**Do not call me ‘sir’ or ‘honorable’ or ‘brave’ or ~~any of such shite~~ any such thing when you write to me again. I am not your sir. I am not some brave knight from your childhood fairy tales. And I am certainly not honourable. **

**The media certainly has a habit of making soldiers seem like some sort of guardian angels, protecting the elderly and the sweet dames and the innocent children. In truth, we are nothing more than pawns of the monarch and fulfil their whims of expanding their power.**

**I am not Lieutenant Colonel because I am brave or courageous or any of that shite. I am a high ranking officer because I am a good killer, because I follow orders like a good dog and do not ask stupid questions when given a command.**

Sansa’s hands began shaking and she had to put the letter down to calm her breath. Lady must have sensed her distress because she licked her hand and began making soft noises. Sansa took a while to just breathe in and out and rubbed Lady’s snoot affectionately.

The man sounded so bitter, so harsh. She felt cornered. Felt as though she was being yelled at for something she hadn’t done or didn’t mean to do. She certainly didn’t mean to offend this man. When she had written the letter, she had done what she always had been taught to do – be polite and courteous. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when talking to a stranger?

How could she have gone so wrong?

She continued reading.

**I was not aware my name was given for any such letter exchange programme but my superior tells me that since I haven’t received any letters, the military thought it was best for me to speak to stranger. ~~As if that would do any good~~ **

**My superior also tells me that ~~despite how much I don’t want to do this shite,~~ your grades depend on this and I would be a shame if you fail. **

**As for your questions; I grew up in a piss-poor town in the West. The ones who lived in our town were the people who served those living in Casterly Rock but could not afford to buy or rent a house there. There was nothing of importance in the town. I did not have the luxury of thinking about stupid things like ‘favourite colour’ growing up. I wore what I had and didn’t have much time to think of anything else. I do see stars where I live, which is perhaps the only good thing of being stationed away from polluted cities. I do not care for sunsets or sunrise. I like the dark of the night.**

**I did not grow up with a pet ~~but Stranger is~~ but our unit has a dog who does his job well, for what it’s worth. **

Sansa suddenly felt bad for the man. She had so many precious memories of the town she grew up in. Of course, as a teenager, she had always dreamt of leaving Winterfell and its constant chill and its nosey people and its bearded, burly men but she would never forget the wonderful memories she had made in this town as a child. She will never forget the ski trips she would take with her family, the snowball fights with Arya, the snow-angels she would make with Bran and the bonfire her family would have in the backyard every winter.

She still has remnants of yellow in her wardrobe from the childhood obsession with that colour. She had begged and her parents had acceded to letting her change her entire wardrobe to various shades of yellow. She cringes when she thinks of it now but back then, that was all that she wanted and she had gotten it.

She could not fathom how heart-breaking it must be to be so deprived of choices that you could not even develop an opinion for something as small as a favourite colour. She might have seen some bad days but she never had to worry about going to bed hungry.

What had this man seen in his life that made him so bitter?

**~~Do you have~~ **

**~~Are you~~ **

**~~I was wondering~~ **

**I don’t know what else to write.**

**If you think you would like to discontinue communication with me, let me know. I can write a letter for your professor asking them to assign someone else to you. I assure you I won’t put any blame on you. I will tell them I am busy or something.**

**Sandor.**

Should she take him up on his offer?

It would be so much easier if she talks to someone else. Someone more eloquent, who would at least write her one whole page in reply. At least them, she would have enough material to base her assignment on.

But wouldn’t that be the coward’s way out?

This man, admittedly does not receive any letters. If she stops talking to him, he would never have anyone to talk to. And didn’t Sansa know what that felt like, to have no one to talk to? It was an awful feeling and she couldn’t let anyone else be like that.

She thought of Robb and the letters and phone calls they would do with him while he was stationed. She thought of Jon and the trinkets Arya would sometimes send him and how he would bring them home with him every time he came to visit them. She thought of the pictures Robb carried of his then-girlfriend with him during tours.

How awful it must be to have none of that.

With resolute steps, she walked to her sister’s bedroom.

“Can you drive me to the store? I promise to buy you the concert tickets for that band you like that gives Mum the headaches.”

"Say no more" Arya said, dragging her sister out by the wrist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my uni released our reading list for this semester and it looks like I have a lot of work to do. I might not upload a chapter every day but I promise not to make you guys wait too long. Also, why is it so cold here? If you guys are living in a warm place, know that I am extremely jealous of you. 
> 
> Chapter 5 is currently being written.


	4. Care Package

Sandor had never been the one to expect anything in life.

After all, life couldn’t fuck with you if you had no expectations in the first place.

He certainly did not expect to see a cardboard box and an envelope sitting on the front desk for him. The man sitting at the desk seemed skittish and why shouldn’t he be? It was Sandor standing in front him, towering over the man.

“F-for you, sir.”

“Fuck your sir.” He said, twisting the box around to find the sender’s information.

_Sansa E. Stark,_

_Stark Manor,_

_14, Moore St._

_Winterfell 2208_

Well, he definitely wasn’t expecting this.

He thought he had done an exceptionally good job is warding her off. He thought the only reply she’d be getting from him would probably include few subtle curt words and a request to write a letter to her professor to remove him from her contact.

He wouldn’t admit it to a living soul but once the letter had been sent, he had felt a bit guilty about how he had spoken to her. Well, written to her, in this case. She had been nice and kind to him and he had written some really hurtful things. If Ray would have read it, he would have probably given Sandor an earful.

Not that he blamed himself too much. He had never written a letter before, to anyone. Sure, when he was in school, he did his stupid language classes and wrote letters to make-believe friends. But he had never really sat down and written a letter to anyone. What the fuck was he supposed to say? That the Dothraki Queen had ordered them to raid the town to find the one man who had absconded with state secrets? That their mission was to be successful, even at the cost of civilian casualties? That he had come this close to putting a bullet in a kid’s head because his superiors suspected the kid’s parents of harbouring a fugitive? His life and his experiences were not tales that deserved to be discussed as part of a casual conversation. What he did on a daily basis was a horrifying account of slaughter. So forgive him for not being able to find much to write in the letter.

“Where do I sign?” he asked the mousy boy and he pointed to a sheet kept on the table.

Carrying the box under his arm, Sandor thumbed the indentation of the letter through the envelope. Seemed like she had written a short letter back to him. Maybe she had filled the box with packing peanuts to mock him. Wouldn’t that be something?

He sat on his bed and placed the box next to him and opened the envelope and began reading.

_Mister Sandor,_

_If you must know, I have wasted three sheets of paper debating how I must address you. You have forbidden me from calling you sir. I do not wish to offend you by calling you by your name and something tells me calling you Mister Clegane wouldn’t bode well with you. So I hope you forgive me for calling you Mister Sandor. I hope in the reply, you will let me know how I must address you henceforth._

What the fuck was this girl made of? He was nothing short of impolite to her and she was still being nice to him?

_I must admit, your previous letter hurt me quite a bit. If I have offended you in any manner, I hope you will forgive me. Please know that it was never my intention to hurt you. Please know that I do not wish to cease communication with you._

_If you are concerned about not having anything to talk about, perhaps from the next letter onwards, I could suggest three topics of conversation and you could choose one and tell me your views about it. That way, we will have something to talk about._

_I do not wish to ramble in this letter as much as I did in the first so I will end soon._

_One of my favourite things to do when my brother was stationed was to send him care packages. My sister still does it for my cousin who is stationed at the Wall._

_In the box are few of my favourite candies. I do not know what kind you prefer so I have put the ones I like. If you are more of a savoury person, there are packets of jerky that my father says are the best in the market. There are also various flavours of chewing gum. My brother always asked for them when he was stationed so I thought you might like some as well. I don’t know what sort of chocolate you like so I’ve kept milk, white and dark. Please let me know which ones you liked. My cousin always complains about tasteless food so I have kept a bottle of hot sauce and mint sauce. I wanted to send you some of the brownies I made but father told me they might go bad if the package reaches you late. There are fingerless gloves if you live in a cold region and some sunscreen if you live in a warmer region. I have also included a news clipping of a hilarious news article I found in the paper._

_I hope you like the package. Please feel free to share with your fellow officers should you not like some of the items._

_I hope to hear from you soon._

_Regards,_

_Sansa._

He had to clear his throat twice before he opened the box.

He tore the box open using his knife and lifted the flaps to reveal the contents. The top the box was filled by scrunched up papers and the sides were lined with bubble wrap. He carefully took out the papers and kept them at the side. Underneath that was a whole host of things all kept methodically one on top of each other. The gaps between each things were filled by packing peanut. Sandor could only imagine how much time and effort was put into the packaging.

As promised, there were several candy packets inside. Some claimed to be sour, two packets were cola flavoured and three were lemon flavoured. He also found two packets of beef jerky from a brand that looked like it was quite expensive. He found bars of white, dark and milk chocolates. There were two bottles of sauces wrapped in plastic. In one corner, there were two pairs, one grey and one black, fingerless gloves. They were neatly folded into balls. Against one of the walls of the box, he found a small envelope with a cut-out news section inside.

“Australian Man Punches Kangaroo, Saves Dog. Man Triumphant, Kangaroo Uninjured but Shocked.”

The corners of his lips rose a little.

He looked down at the sheer volume of things inside the box.

Despite how rude and obnoxious he had been to the girl, she had found a way to be the bigger person among them both.

She was right. Food tasted like garbage on the base. He couldn’t express how thankful he was for the sauces. Though he wasn’t serving in a cold place, he knew he was going to tuck those gloves into his bags carefully. Who knew? He might need them someday. He wasn’t someone who had opinions when it came to chocolate, which was a luxury in itself, but he had a feeling he would like the dark one more than the others.

And candy? He couldn’t remember the last time he had candy. He reached into the box and took the cola flavoured one and opened the packet. A smaller packet emerged and Sandor ripped it with his teeth and popped the little brown ball inside his mouth.

The first taste he got was cola. No surprises there. And then it became sour. He winced at the taste and shook his head and ran his tongue over the blob thoughtfully.

The fuck?

This thing was crackling. Inside his mouth! Crackling.

He turned the package in his hand and read the name of the product. Surprise Cola Candy. Huh.

Whatever the fuck it was, he fucking loved it.

It dawned on Sandor that this was perhaps the first time in over two decades that he received a present. And that’s what it was, wasn’t it, a present?

Growing up, the Cleganes barely had enough to get by. His mother earned what she could for the time she was alive and over half of their household income went into his father’s insatiable need for alcohol. Gregor found himself jobs dealing drugs at an early age and slowly moved to more sinister things and every penny he earned was for himself. For the longest time, Sandor lived on a hand to mouth existence. Came very close to not having a roof over his head several times in his life. Which was one reason he joined the army. You couldn’t find a decent job with a face like his and the military didn’t so much care about how you looked as long as you could bid their commands unquestioningly. When he was young, there was never enough money for something as frivolous as presents and now that he had money, he had no one to send him presents.

He could bet anything that the packets of jerky itself were over 50 dragons, let alone the rest of the stuff in there. The packing and shipping must have been a whole other story. Not to mention, the trip to the store and the post office.

But the thing that perhaps affected him the most was this girl’s willingness to put this much effort and do this for him when all he had been to her was a rude as fuck bastard.

He realized that someone was standing in front of him because the light falling on the box on his lap was obstructed. He looked up to Ray standing over him, eyeing the contents of the box inquisitively.

“That from her?” he asked.

Sandor nodded dumbly. Ray crossed his hands over his chest and took a deep breath, looking at Sandor with _you fucking idiot_ written clearly on his face.

“What do I do?” he asked. Because to be honest, he had no idea what came after this.

So she one upped him by sending him a thoughtful box filled with things he never knew he needed. She apologized to him when he was the one basically told her to shove it. So what was he to do now? Send her a letter? But what would he write? He might be remorseful but he was still no poet. He still had no clue how to write a letter to anyone, especially a woman like her.

“Come with me.” Ray said, already turning towards the door.

Sandor hastily closed the box, kept his knife on top so the fuckers around the camp wouldn’t dare take anything, tucked the letter under the pillow where it joined its predecessor and shoved the box underneath his bed and followed the man like the good dog that he was.

After all, he had amends to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters are going to be exploring the personal lives of Sansa and Sandor to a greater extent. As always, let me know your thoughts in the comments.


	5. Forgiveness and Beyond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things will be a little different this chapter on. I will be writing the character's letter in their own POV. Doing so, I hope will help us all understand their thoughts and personalities more.  
> Cheers!

“Hey, you’re Sansa, right?”

Sansa looked up from her phone. She had been standing in a corner by herself, waiting for her coffee order to be prepared. The girl standing in front of her was from her Personality Psychology class.

“Yeah. And you’re Claudia?”

“That’s me.” The girl smiled.

Sansa hadn’t really made any friends up to this point. She was vary of history repeating herself. She had told herself that she had a good support system in her parents and siblings and Lady and Brienne and she did not need the validation, or the company of anyone else. A voice at the back of her head, one that sounded like Brienne, gently reminded her that she shouldn’t blame herself and close herself from the world because of things that happened to her in the past.

“I hope this doesn’t across as creepy but I really like your handwriting. Love the loops you make for the Ys and the Gs” the girl said, giving her a small smile.

Sansa gave a short chuckle. “Yeah um, thanks.”

The girl nodded and look around hesitantly. She seemed like she wanted to continue talking but sensing Sansa’s aloofness, she just smiled and moved to create a little gap between them. Sansa closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

This could be her one chance to make a friend. Three weeks had gone by and she hadn’t made a single acquaintance, let alone a friend from school. She came to her class, wrote her notes and went home. The only reason she was in the café today was because she was up late yesterday and in her haste in the morning, had forgotten to eat breakfast.

Sansa looked at the girl from the corner of her eye. Claudia, frankly, didn’t seem like the ‘friends’ she had before. For one, she wasn’t dressed like she had to walk down a runway after class. Her chestnut hair was pulled back into a ponytail and she was wearing a plain grey shirt with black jeans. She was nothing like the girls Sansa knew from King’s Landing.

Clearing her throat, Sansa gathered all the courage she could muster.

“You are the only one to tell me that. My sister says my Gs and Ys are so fat, they look pregnant.”

Claudia seemed initially surprised that Sansa spoke to her but gave her a light chuckle. They spoke about their shared class while Sansa’s hazelnut mocha and Claudia’s long black was served to them. Drinks in hand, the women walked to the edge of the campus where Claudia walked Sansa to the pick-up lane. 

“Will someone come to pick you up? Because if you want, I can drop you home.” The girl offered.

“No, that’s fine. Thanks. My mom should be here any minute now.”

Claudia accepted her refusal with a nod and Sansa was thankful she didn’t have to explain why she didn’t have a car yet. How do you explain to someone that your ex-boyfriend and his family prevented you from learning how to drive by providing you with a personal chauffer, which systematically prevented you from leaving them at your whim and now that you were finally free, the road to recovery was so long that you had a whole list of things to do before applying for a learner’s licence? It wasn’t exactly casual conversation material.

“You can leave, if you want.” Sansa offered politely. “My mother should be here soon.”

“Nah. That’s okay. I would anyway go to my car and finish my coffee before driving so it’s all the same.”

Claudia seemed like a nice person. While speaking to her, none of Sansa’s alarm bells went off. Their whole conversation so far revolved around inconsequential things like how fast their professor tended to talk, how the guy with the bandana always had a question in every class, how nice the weather was and how little they knew about their campus. So overall, a good human being.

Taking a leap of faith, she asked the girl for her number and Claudia beamed at her and they exchanged contacts just before Sansa’s mother arrived. Sansa gave her new friend a wave before getting in the car.

She spent the whole car ride with a smile on her face.

She couldn’t wait to tell Brienne about her accomplishment of making a friend.

Once they got home, Sansa immediately spotted the stack of envelopes on the kitchen counter and shuffled all of them until she saw the one addressed to her. She waited until after lunch before opening the envelope.

To her surprise, there was more than a letter.

A pendant fell into her palm and Sansa delicately ran her hand over the carvings on the bird. A long chain was attached to the pendant and it was all silver in colour.

When she opened the letter, there was a picture attached to it. The picture was of a dog that looked like a German Shephard, all black eyes and black fur with a red collar around his neck. The dog was on what seemed like a grass field and was sitting calmly with its ears perked up in attention.

The letter read.

**Sansa,**

**I have never met someone who, in reply to a rude letter, sends a care package in return. I should not have been short with you in the first letter. If I haven’t made it abundantly clear, I am not good at this thing. This writing thing. I have not done it with anyone. I don’t know what people talk about in these things.**

**I cannot tell you about my day because nice girls like you shouldn’t have to hear such filth. I cannot tell you where I am or what I do. But I can tell you about Stranger.**

**I wrote about a dog in my first letter. This is him. This is Stranger. He is six and is part of my platoon. He does his job very well and makes us all proud. Though he isn’t mine, I spend a lot of time with him. He is better company than most men here.**

Sansa paused to look at the dog’s picture again and smiled at how fond the man seemed of his canine friend.

**I would like to thank you for the things you sent me. Please let your father know that the jerky was delicious. I found myself liking the dark chocolate and though I am not the kind to have opinions about candies, I really liked the cola one. The food is much more bearable now that I have sauces, so thank you for that.**

**You did not have to apologize in the previous letter. The fault wasn’t yours, it was mine. Your parents must have taught you good manners for you to chirp such pleasantries and ask for forgiveness for a crime you did not commit. Something about you reminds me of a bird. Which is why I bought you this pendant. I found it at a market where I am stationed. Although, the credit isn’t all mine because my superior helped me choose it. I hope you like it. Feel free to chuck it down a bin if you don’t.**

**For now, this is all I can think of.**

**I would appreciate if in the next letter, you send me topics that you want to talk about and we will go from there.**

**~~Reg~~ **

**Thanks,**

**Sandor.**

She had to admit, Sansa was a bit surprised at the change of tone. A part of her had fully expected to receive a letter asking her to leave this guy alone. Even if she kept a tiny sliver of hope for him to be nice to her, she certainly did not expect a pendant and a picture. Something told her that for a man like him, this was as close to ‘sorry’ as this man could get.

Sansa smiled triumphantly. See? Being nice to people does work.

She padded barefoot across the room and placed the necklace on the stand she had on her dressing table. Moving to her study table, she sat and searched through her drawer for her favourite pen and several sheets of paper. Then she scrolled through her gallery on her phone to find pictures of Lady to send it to the man next time. She found the perfect one. Lady had just been adopted and it was her first winter with them. There was snow falling in the background and Lady had her head titled to the sky and she was in the middle of what could only be described as dog version of a smile. It was adorable.

Sansa began twirling the pen in her hand and began thinking of topics she could suggest the man – no, she needs to address him by name – suggest Sandor for their conversation.

She thought of things that she spoke about with Brienne when they first met. It took four months for Sansa to agree seeing a therapist after her parents rescued her. In the first few sessions, Sansa refused to discuss anything from the past. The wounds were still raw and she did not know if she could trust Brienne. Brienne had come up with the solution that until Sansa willingly relinquished her story, they would talk about trivial matters.

Taking a chapter from Brienne and adding few of her own inputs, she made a list of things they could talk about in the next few letters.

  1. _If you could eat anything or any cuisine right now, what would it be? And why?_
  2. _Thoughts on cat vs dog debate_
  3. _Do you believe in God?_
  4. _If you were given a chance to have an all-expenses paid vacation for two weeks, what would you do?_
  5. _You chance upon your fairy godmother (stay with me, now) and she lets you pick one: you can either go to your past and correct your mistakes or you can find out your future. Which would you choose?_



She looked down at the paper. That seemed like a good set of topics. Even if he chose two, it would give them plenty to talk about. In addition, she also wrote a bit about her university and the course she was taking. If she wanted to know anything about him, it was only fair that she divulged details about herself. She smiled and folded the letter and put it in an envelope to send it out the next day.

She couldn’t wait to hear back from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The character of Claudia is based on Madison Pettis. She is named after a character from the Netflix show Dark. 
> 
> Here is the pendant I chose. Just imagine it in silver: https://www.mococo.co.uk/chlobo-rose-gold-newbie-necklace-with-humming-bird-pendant-rnbb1079
> 
> Updates might be a little slow. I finally found a part-time job that requires me to stay out of my house for long periods during the day and I am also a Postgrad student so I have uni work to do as well. I will try to update as frequently as possible. Thanks for reading and Thanks for all your support.

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to point out any mistakes you may find. Do not hesitate to give me your suggestions. 
> 
> Please leave a kudos and a comment if you like the story. 
> 
> All my love,  
> Shee


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